This is a commencement speech made by Anna Quindlen at Villanova:

It's a great honor for me to be the third member of my family to
receive an honorary doctorate from this great university. It's an honor
to follow my great Uncle Jim, who was a gifted physician, and my Uncle
Jack, who is a remarkable businessman. Both of them could have told you
something important about their professions, about medicine or
commerce.

I have no specialized field of interest or expertise, which puts me at
a disadvantage talking to you today. I'm a novelist. My work is human
nature. Real life is all I know. Don't ever confuse the two, your life
and your work. The second is only part of the first. Don't ever forget
what a friend once wrote Senator Paul Tsongas when the senator decided
not to run for re-election because he had been diagnosed with cancer:
"No man ever said on his deathbed I wish I had spent more time at the
office."

Don't ever forget the words my father sent me on a postcard last year:
"If you win the rat race, you're still a rat."
Or what John Lennon wrote before he was gunned down in the driveway
of the Dakota:
"Life is what happens while you are busy making other
plans."

You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no
one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same
degree; there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for
a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of
your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life
at a desk, or your life on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not
just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your
bank account, but also your soul.

People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easier
to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is a cold
comfort on a winter night, or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or
when you've gotten back the test results and they're not so good.

Here is my resume:

I am a good mother to three children.
I have tried never to let my profession stand in the way of being a
good parent.
I no longer consider myself the center of the universe.
I show up.
I listen.
I try to laugh.
I am a good friend to my friends, and they to me. Without them, there
would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard
cutout. But, I call them on the phone, and I meet them for lunch.

I would be rotten, or at best mediocre at my job, if those other things
were not true. You cannot be really first rate at your work if your
work is all you are. So here's what I wanted to tell you today:

Get a life: a real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the
bigger paycheck, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much
about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a
lump in your breast? Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt
water pushing itself on a breeze over Seaside Heights, a life in which
you stop and watch how a red tailed hawk circles over the water or the
way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a
Cheerio with her thumb and first finger. Get a life in which you are
not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember, that
love, is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send E-mail. Write
a letter. Get a life in which you are generous, and realize that life
is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for
granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it
around. Take money you would have spent on beers and give it to
charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you
want to do well. It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours,
and our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color of our
kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and
disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live.

I learned to live many years ago. Something really, really bad happened
to me, something that changed my life in ways that, if I had my
druthers, it would never have been changed at all. And what I learned
from it is what, today, seems to be the hardest lesson of all.

I learned to love the journey, not the destination.
I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the
only guarantee you get.
I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some
of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I
tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By
telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz
on a baby's ear. Read in the backyard with the sun on your face. Learn
to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you
do, you will live it with joy and passion, as it ought to be lived.


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